This began over 20 years ago when a character spread their fingers and cast “Burning Hams!” to have several flaming piglets explode on the target. It is a light-hearted vicious monkery cast on those who take spell casting too seriously.
There are 140 spells of a dubious nature within these pages and you have rolled a 2 on “Speak with Dad”:
Speak With Dad
3rd Level Divination
Casting Time: 1 action
Range: 100 miles
Components: V,S,M (a neck tie)
Duration: 10 Minutes
You open a line of communication with your father figure as long as they are within range.
Roll a D4 to see what he offers you:
1 comforting and sensible advice (+1 to next roll)
2 a cringing pun or word-play
3 the loan of some money (+D6x10gp)
4 transport to/from a place
Any physical promises may be well intended, but may not be able to be upheld.
A few of these have been curated from various social media and formatted into spells that are possible to introduce into games… although why you would want to is beyond me. If anyone really can’t afford the price tag and wants a copy of these, just drop me a PM.